No apologies for my impeded stream

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Here’s a beautiful and inspiring poem by Zen practitioner Wendell Berry:

It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our

real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have

begun our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings.

I perceive my biggest problem to be that I can’t seem to focus on just one thing – there’s the side of me that needs to work with my hands by playing with tangible objects through artistic endeavors.  Make paintings, drawings, jewelry, sculpture, prints, etc.

There’s another part that has the desire to learn everything I can to become a better web designer and WordPress gal. I want to learn to program PHP, not just manipulate the code. I want to master Photoshop, Illustrator, my Wacom graphics tablet, etc, etc.

I sometimes feel like I’m being torn in so many directions and I catch myself apologizing for feeling like a Jill of all trades but master of none.

My stream turns into rapids very quickly when I’m in this mode. So what to do?

Lately, I turn to sitting. Then I accept this is who I am. And I won’t apologize for that.

Here’s another page from my dharma art journal:

dharm art journal page

The bodhisattva has to be a warrior

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What my monkey mind looks like

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As I explained in my previous post, I spent all of last week at a mediation/creativity retreat. We focused our creativity on a dharma art journal. This journal was to be a space for expressing ourselves freely and without judgment.

The first day of sitting was actually quite rough. I had a headache that lasted the entire day and my mind would not quiet down. Two words kept popping up to describe what has happening in my head: monkey mind.

I did not invent this description; it came from one of my numerous Zen books (unfortunately, I can’t remember which one). You know this state of mind though.

We’ve all experienced it: the one in which you lie awake at night, sleepless, because your mind is racing a mile a minute from all the thoughts flooding your head.

Well, that was me on day one, only add on top of that a throbbing headache.

So, rather than fight monkey mind, I allowed it to be. Then I exploded in my journal and took 2 aspirins.

My monkey mind

What the inside of my head looked like (more or less) on day one of sitting

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Living and creating in the space between thoughts: my new dharma practice

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Losing the War of Art

I feel the need to explain the change of my blog’s tagline from “Winning the War of Art” to the current “Creating & Living in the Space Between Thoughts”.

Even though my “Facebook Which Firefly Character Are You?” turned out to be Zoe, the reality is that I’ve never been a very good warrior.   I may have a fighting spirit, but when it comes down to it, I really don’t like to fight. Continue reading »

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Figure Drawing Exhibit at the Rockridge Public Library, May 1-30

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I’m excited to announce that I’ll be participating in a figure drawing exhibit at the Rockridge Branch of the Oakland Public Library on College Avenue. The show opened May 1 and runs through the end of the month.

The Artists’ Reception will be Saturday, May 8, 3-5 PM.  The Library’s address is 5366 College Ave in Oakland, phone: 510-597-5017. Hope to see you there!!

I submitted two drawings and am hoping that they’re both up. The drawings are below:

Stephanie, 2009 Figure drawing 2009
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New portrait sketches

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Here are recent drawings from my portrait class. All are approximately 15-minute long studies. I think I captured the likeness of each sitter ~ at least that is what a fellow student told me.

But what matters the most to me is that I had fun drawing.

Here they are:

Ambrose
Portrait sketch

Bruce
0216_bruce

Fiona
0216_fiona

Sergio
0216_sergio

Juan
0216_juan

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